How to write a eulogy: a simple method, an outline and examples

A eulogy is a short speech that tells who someone was, spoken at a funeral, a memorial or a celebration of life. You do not need to be a writer: the people listening knew the person too, and what they will remember is a true story told simply. This guide gives you a method, an outline and a few openings you can adapt.

Who gives the eulogy?

Anyone close to the person can give it: a partner, a child, a sibling, a friend or a colleague. Sometimes several people each speak for a few minutes. When the family prefers not to speak, a celebrant or a faith leader can write the tribute from the family's memories and read it.

Before you start, check with whoever is organizing the service: how many people will speak, for how long, and in what order. It avoids telling the same story twice.

How do you write a eulogy, step by step?

1. Gather memories. Ask a few people who knew the person for a story, a habit, a phrase they always said. Write everything down without sorting.
2. Choose two or three qualities. Generous, stubborn, curious, the one who always fixed things: pick the traits that people recognized straight away.
3. Match a short story to each quality. A concrete moment says more than a list of adjectives. "She drove four hours to bring soup to a friend with the flu" shows generosity better than the word itself.
4. Add the essential facts, lightly. Where they grew up, their family, their work or passion. A few sentences are enough; a eulogy is not a biography.
5. Write the opening and the closing last. Once the middle is written, it is easier to find the first and last words.
6. Read it aloud. Cut the sentences you stumble on, and time yourself. Most people speak more slowly at a service than at home.

What outline can you follow?

• Opening (30 seconds): who you are and how you knew the person. "For those who don't know me, I'm Paul, Marie's younger brother."
• A few landmarks (1 minute): where they came from, the people and places that mattered to them.
• Two or three qualities, each with a story (2 to 3 minutes): the heart of the eulogy.
• What they leave behind (30 seconds): a lesson, a habit you will keep, what the people in the room carry with them.
• Closing (30 seconds): a thank-you, a few words spoken directly to them, or a short reading they loved.

A few ways to begin

• "When I think of my father, I see his hands: always busy, always fixing something for someone."
• "Anyone who knew Claire knows she never arrived anywhere empty-handed."
• "I want to tell you about the person my grandmother was on an ordinary Tuesday, because that is who I will miss most."

How do you get through reading it?

• Print it in a large font, with wide line spacing, and number the pages.
• Mark pauses where you want to breathe or let a story land.
• Keep water nearby, and look up at a friendly face from time to time.
• Ask someone to stand by with a copy. If you need to stop, they can finish for you: nobody will mind.
• It is all right to pause or cry. The people listening are grieving too.

For the short written notice that announces the death and the service, see our guide on how to write an obituary.

Writing it with a celebrant

A celebrant can help at every stage: gathering memories from the family, shaping the tribute, and reading it if you prefer not to. For a gathering without the body or ashes present, such as a memorial or a celebration of life, you can choose the place and the date freely. Our guide on how to plan a funeral or celebration of life in Ontario covers the other steps.

If you would like help, Celebrance can connect you with a celebrant from our local network in Ontario. See our celebrants for funerals and celebrations of life.

Sources: thebao.ca: consumer information guide · thebao.ca: welcome to the bereavement authority of ontarios faq for consumers